Wtcher, witcher, witchar, twichar...
Yeah, I tryed few times first bitcher but never got too far. And then happend last summer, discovery of Codex, and I made vow to finish all three bitchers no matter what, rain, snow, ice, thunders, release of Grimoire or whatever, it simply had to be done. No way that Codex is telling the truth about those true and only GOTYs, no. All those edgy and unloving people of Codexia lying and decieving honest folk. Screw that. But boy, was I wrong. The moment I looked into Codex it looked right back unto me and I didn't even know. There was no returning. I was born again, I was unspoiled, I discovered existence of Codex Soul within. And when it struck me, I knew god is not real, only Codex exists in perfect union with Incline. All else is (((their))) lie.
And so ritualistic initiation process to 3333 degree of Codexstumobergrupenkomandogesetzt begun. Oh. My. Codex. :excited:
As you will see, the mood didn't stay :excited: too long. But Codex guided me all the way and my young fragile codex soul was tested through fires and flames wthout third degree (no pun intended). May Incline forever shine at codexed and uncodexed ones so they never stray away from only true path of Incline. Inclined be.
DIARY - INTTIMATE JOURNEY THROUGH B1TCH3R SEXMOS
First bitcher: that one reseambles game, to some degree (combat was servicable). They had good thing going with predicting Elex with that end-game part. Wouldn't be suprised that Alvin, or whatever the fucker was named, is in fact Jox, Cox the guy from Elex. Hello quantum physics. On the humoruous side, b1tcher was charming and had good moments. Especially adult themes, loved those - so profundly challenging on mental, emotional and even physical level that I had immediately zen experience and in a moment I know what to do! Look for it on amazon, it's out now: Mr. Ekos b1tchering - how to get bitches kuum with white roar tehnique AND elexian model of universe Enchanced Director Edition (free gwent DLC book, now with ergonomic holes). Yeah, fuck you Descartes, you didn't fuckin know nut'n until Gerolt got that benis brain enlargment elixir for Gimli!
Second bitcher: damnn... What the hell happend here. I even thought to give first one another try, but after this shitfest, big fuckin NO. I mean, that E P I C battle at dwarven city-fortress-stables alone (and fuck you combat, you lying bitch! You said all the way, not just money shot, fuck you!)?! The fuckin king attacks with all his might, and it is, what, at max 30ish people?!!11! And walls. fucking WALLS!!! Okey, they are dwarves, but come on man, come on you poles, come on. And why the fuck was that first hypocritical amish gathering even called "city", goddamn city, better call (Saul :3) it fuckin temporary mobile whore festival carneval strip wood fuckery. City my ass. And whoah, that sneaking mission, what an awe inspiring mechanic - damn, that must have been put together at least by two ten year old poles who run away from school in woods to molest russian bears or something and thought to themselves "We can into sneaking, submit idea to CD Projekt? 'k! We gonnu be richuuuu!" It is so good that that you enjoy playing it for whole 5 seconds before turning yourself monastic. You fuckers, and I worshiped you for few days between finishing b1tcher and starting gero2t - fuck you, never again. May your ballsacks itch and you may never scratch it with satisfaction.
But my ritual purification must be continued, for Evropa, for Gamedom! In Incline shall I win (said Constantine)!
Third bitcher: I can't even begin to comprehend peoples mind and motives who say anything positive about this fuckin interactive movie except it has somewhat nice graphix (and even that is debatable). That was time I wish I could rewind and never relive again. That was time I wish that I was cleaning stable shit and consuming some. That was time I wish I was abducted by them Alienz and been done things that would seem like pleasure in comparison t-to... to things I done with this-s satanic entity (I'm sorry mum) called g3rolt. Jesus have mercy on me (I still fosterd old pagan beliefs until Codex revealed itself as one and only true being in perfect unison with Incline in one of my prophetic dreams). I literaly felt like going to work and doing things I don't wanna do (occasional rapeyish feelings were felt), and not like playing GAME and having what ancients known as FUN with occasional acts of, what is now considered heresy in Gamedom, THINKING. Why have fun and do some thinking when you can press awesome button and fuck every elf chick in close proximity? Because this is not fucking game regardless it being cramed in category with same. And just put horse on auto-pilot, because plane journeys are fucking FUUUN and we love to make plane passanger simulations great again; RPGS need to saved, sayed nobody except poles in forest designing boeing 477 RPG gamezz while at the same time keeping bears at safe distance from Sheerwood Projekt studio. If, and only if, they made this as adventure game with light elements of everything else real games are made of then maybe, and just maybe, this interactive moviexxx could be digestable. But even thats stretching it, because story is abominably weak. But even that could have been sourmountaed if story was presented in better fashion. But even then, fuck it. No saving, even then. Super polished turd is just turd as someone already mentioned. Only genetic engineering is hope for this turd. But even that's gamble.
TL;DR
So yeah, those are mine humble opinions about those great games. If you wanna short version: Go play them, stop whatever you are doing right now. Don't forget to put at least one finger up your arse for extra DLC fun! Fuck it, just go nuts (deep) and immerse yourself in best experience there is. Fuck Gothictards, fuck Baldurtards, fuck Tormentuchans, fuck them all non-poles boasting about game design mastery when they can't even make Evropa great again two times in a row; maybe third time is a charm. No GOTY beside only true PGOTY. 10/10, would kuum again, even without finger.