Finished
Resident Evil 5
Typical "newshit" game: some good things / mechanics / ideas, some debatable ones, some absolutely horrible / retarded ones. Unfortunately, the devs (suits?) seem to have no idea about what is what and what should be done to make a good game. They either haven't played enough good games, or don't care anymore.
The good:
- Basic gameplay (you and your pal vs. the aids-infected niggers) is p. good. Except some stupid / bad things (gui, ai, fov) - see below.
- Graphics are very good, sometimes great (underground town, characters models - T&A galore!).
- Performance is solid (60FPS all the time).
- K + M controls are very good, after some tinkering with (mostly lowering mouse sensitivity). Many people claim otherwise, I don't know why. Want shitty controls (both gaypad and K + M) - play RE4.
- Story starts p. good / low level: you meet your ebony sidekick and start shooting niggers. Unfortunately, it takes a nose dive later - see below.
The bad:
- Fucking (mostly insta-kill) QTEs, especially during (or fucking AFTER!) a boss battle. Every company putting this shit into their games should be fucking bought by EA. EVERY fag and his dog complains about QTEs in RE4-6 reviews, yet Capcom keeps throwing more of this shit on his customers. WT flying F? Replaying some "cutscene" over and over just to pop the mole at the proper time is IMO the shittiest gameplay type ever. And NOBODY likes this! Of course Capcom put even more QTEs into RE6...
Plus there was definitely something wrong with the development of this game, judging solely by the QTEs. They are absent in initial sections (I was naively hoping they were totally absent), then you get some QTEs during "cutscenes" - bad, but at least separated from the main gameplay. Then, in the later sections, you will get spammed by QTEs during gameplay, boss-battles, cutscenes, everything. It's clear that the devs had different ideas about QTEs initially. More about later parts being weak below.
- GUI is bad: it requires too many clicks (you have to "confirm" every action and then click again to go back to menu browsing), there are way too many levels of menus (you have to go through ~5 to start every game).
- Item management is a chore: the entire thing seems to be created with co-op in mind, thus it's very cumbersome in single player:
a) only 9 slots, which can't be upgraded,
b) you don't have full control over your partner's items (for example you can't discard his/her items, you have to request them and discard them in your inventory),
c) items menu is "live" (the game don't pause when you access it), which maybe makes sense in co-op, but not in single player - enjoy trying to get something from your partner during a tense fight.
- AI is... underdeveloped. It's (mostly) p. good at shooting enemies (using a rifle, your partner is able to shoot off enemy's balls from other half of the map), but fails at more basic tasks, like item management. AI will waste healing items unnecessarily, pick up ammo for weapons you don't have / use, etc.
- FOV is WAY too low, as in many newshit "TPP" shooters. If gaypad fags are unable to twitch around fast enough, maybe the consoles should stick to 2D?
- Autosave system is obviously badly designed / not tested enough. You have two types of checkpoints:
a) regular "checkpoints" - you will restart from here if you die, but the game ISN'T saved here, so if you quit, you will start from:
b) "savepoints" - the game IS saved here, so you start from here if you die or if you quit the game.
I find this system totally retarded, especially in some areas (mine, swamp):
a) you can lose ~1/2 hour of progress accidentally quitting the game or due to power outage.
b) in some areas there are no savepoints before boss battles, only checkpoints - you can't quit before killing the boss, which is bad, since...
- Accessing your "campaign inventory" requires you to quit the game. Want to sell some items? Quit. Upgrade you weapon? Quit. Get more healing items from the stash? Quit. Fuck you, Capcom, interconnected crates from older games were 100000 better.
- Boss fights range from not 100% bad (initial part) to absolutely fucking horrible (later part):
a) 2nd Uroboros fight: I've wasted ~30 minutes trying to burn him down. Consulted FAQ: "You have to roast him and then shoot the thingies he will expose when burned. Important: give the flame-thrower to the partner!". It turned out I was doing it wrong: I was operating the FT, while Sheva was unable to shoot the "thingies" (for whatever reason) and flames weren't hurting these. After giving the FT to her, I was able to defeat the boss in less than minute. Fucking A, Capcom...
b) Wesker / Jill fight. OMG, where to start? At the beginning, Wesker babbles something about "ending the fight in seven minutes". So, I wasted all my ammo trying to hit him (he dodges 90% of shots, but some of them CLEARLY connect). After ~5 minutes of total clusterfuck, I've consulted the FAQ: "Survive first 7 minutes, avoiding both enemies. Wesker is invincible during this stage. After 7 minutes, the fight will switch to the 2nd stage, when he can be damaged".
But wait, there's more! In 3rd stage, you have to grab Jill (QTE) and rip some tit-controlling device off her tits (QTE). It requires a couple of re-tries for fuckever reason (QTEQTEQTE). You can shoot the device to make it faster, but if you kill Jill in the process, it's game over.
c) Fight against Excella: how should I know that when "she" raises all 4 "bulbs", I have to destroy one quick, or it's game over? There are 0 clues suggesting this and I was all "WTF happened?" when I suddenly got the "You died" info. So, I consulted the FAQ...
d) Final two battles against Wesker: Wasting ammo on a fag who can dodge 90% of your shots is sure fun. But you have to hit him using a RPG (missed - waste some time / health looking for next rocket), then hit the grenade he grabs (LOLWAT?), then move close to him, and IF Sheva is close enough, QTE him for good. He will probably survive your 1st attempt, so repeat the entire process a couple of times. Second fight is probably the same, but I skipped it using a trainer.
Boss battles in Desu Ex - Human Derpolution are fucking 100% pure Michelangelian works compared to this POS...
The ugly:
- The game has NOTHING to do with the old (RE1-RE:CV) formula. It's just a popamole shooter, expanding on RE4 (shitty) basic idea (move -> shooting gallery using gaypad -> repeat 1bln times).
- Story gets even more stupid than series' average in later parts of the game. Too bad, since it the beginning it's not bad.
- Still no side-step during aiming. Thank god you can go from "aim" to "move" much faster than in RE4.
- Picking up small bags of gold gets old p. fast. And you will pick up >9000 of them...
- The game is uneven as fuck. Initial areas are more interesting gameplay-wise, look better, have less QTEs and better (QTE-free) bosses. Later ones are mostly boring linear corridors, look worse, have plenty of QTEs and abysmal bosses. What happened here?
- RE5 is clearly designed with co-op in mind (see above), and due to developers' fuckups (see above) single player experience is inferior to co-op (AFAIK).
- You can buy guns, but not ammo (except grenades). Makes shotguns & magnum p. much useless.
- It's basically 4 games (gameplay types) in one:
a) regular popamole console shooter - good for what it is,
b) turret sections (car, boat + mowing down enemies with a machine gun) - passable,
c) boss battles - bad (initial ones) / absolutely horrible (later ones),
d) mercenaries (kill as many respawning niggers as possible in limited time) - passable.
- Mercenaries mode is IMO BSB when compared to Raid mode from RE:R (go from point a to b killing enemies, no time limit, no respawn, weapon customization, rankings).
- Some weapons are clearly inferion to others (lower ATACK and AMMO). What's the point of using / upgrading them. Faster reload?
- RPG / Sniper rifle rape gangs in later stages are a little bit too much - you have to start using cover, which wasn't necessary in earlier stages.
tl;dr
Vanilla game:
If you really want to play this game, you can AND FUCKING SHOULD grab the
RE5 +78 trainer by wilsonso
Using it, you can:
- Increase the shitty FOV,
- Give your partner unlimited ammo, which (somehow) helps with limited inventory (she won't have to pick up ammo for herself); you can also make her/ him invincible. It will basically be what Capcom did in Revelations...
- Use "invincible players" + "one hit kill" cheat for boss battles - I wasted only ~30 seconds on 2nd final battle with this,
- Use "Jill never dies" + "Get the device immediately" cheat for battle against Jill.
With this, the game goes to:
Final message to Capcom: