Baldur's Gate Baldur's Gate 3 Early Access Thread [GAME RELEASED, GO TO NEW THREAD]

[Abu Antar]

"Work balance of hundreds of reviwers"

Lol.

 

[Drakortha]

How can you retards hate on Swen da Gawd, when his baller lifestyle produces these responses from profeshiunal reviewerz.

 

[AwesomeButton]

I couldn't help myself:

 

[Larianshill]

Imaging playing video games as your job and source of income, and having the gall to bitch about unfair expectations. Playing video games is the main source of income for me, and you don't see me bitching.

 

[AwesomeButton]

So, if crunch is playing a highly anticipated brand new game before the rest of the world, sign me up for that crunch, and leave those whiny cunts aside.

 

[Goldschmidt]

To forge a legacy, you need an identity. Baldur’s Gate 3 is a game all about you. Your decisions in character creation will impact your experiences in Faerûn.BG3 launches August 3rd on PC with 12 classes, 46 subclasses, 11 races, and 31 subraces.



You can choose your pronouns. Joy.

'Every choice you make in character creation will have an influence on the way the story will play later...'

I look forward to seeing how the Penis A playthrough will differ from the Penis B playthrough

Lube being an obligatory quest item or not.

 

[Steezus]

I couldn't help myself:

I'm not particularly fond of Schreier, but his statement is as objective as it gets. It's just the schizo lady, who is losing her fucking grasp on reality.

 

[Late Bloomer]

What happened? I leave the codex for a meager 10 hours and this is what you guys choose to talk about? Some users tried with all their might to talk and argue about the game without mentioning zoophilia, cuckolding and the like. The users below were having none of it.


I believe jackofshadows to be a homosexual who has eyes for Astarion based on these comments. The deflecting!

Yeah Astarion just has some sort of a snobbish attitude, very akin to BG2v Edwin actually, just in a different manner (that's why I find him amusing). But the cotex is so obsessed with the faggotry that such mannerism is auto-rasing a red flag, a big no no for any latent homo who's now obliged to state how disgusting or cringe Astarion is.

By the way, I think it's also yet another case of how boring "playersexual" concept is, it would be better if Astarion was either an actual fag or straight or even kinda asexual similiar to WoD vampires.

Yosharian is usually a part of the list for much worse reasons that this simple question. But I include it because of the answer, which attempts to trick someone into thinking these companions arent obnoxious in their sexuality towards the player character. They are.

Well, do they all hit on you in obnoxious ways?

Shame on you Rhobar for trying to fool someone into getting fucked unexpectedly.

Not really, at least in the case of EA.

Saravan oh Saravan. I had hopes for you. Not anymore. You found it cute that the zoophiliac spelt owlbear as howlbear. And what did that make you think of? Getting your asshole pillaged by a "howlbear".

I have gotten too fucked up by this thread that I expected you to end with “and then something happened that blown my mind, the howlbear decided to fuck both of us”.

Pizzashoes wants to be cucked. Not surprising, all things considered.

If Astarion were this dandy, pompous ass who assaults you and talks down to you while also trying to bone all the women, he'd have an interesting edge to him.

Volrath read through all the talks of getting fucked by a bear, getting cuked and pegged. What does he say to that?

I want to play this fucking game already.

whydoibother is getting the lotion ready for Asterion.

Asterion has a lot more edge to him. From his dialogue in EA, he's a nasty psycho for real, not just a dark and brooding femoid fapbait.

Pizzas Hoes (not pizza shoes, right you sick deviant?) admires Astarion for his "roguish" charm. Astarion has got a lot of people talking beyond his propensity for getting fucked by a bear.

Astarion is the rogue of Baldur's Gate 3 and he will be the popular emblem of roguish charm going forward.

Pizzas Hoes at it again. He likes characters to be gay and zoophiliacs.

and I'm not sure Astarion is even decline yet.

Grunker thinks the companions are interesting. Why is that? It's because they are into Bestiality, pegging, femdom, cucking and more. No, no, I am sure you mean you like their dialogue?

Though I will say, playing the game, the companions seem more interesting than I thought they would be.

Pizzas Hoes is at it again and again today. This time getting a family member involved.

The hype train is rolling. I just convinced my brother to look into buying it.

Kiste is always the most blunt. I find him the most vile. Dear god I pray for any animals under his care.

Let's talk about the important stuff again: the bear sex.

Is this also a "playersexual" thing, i.e. no matter who and what I am, the bear will want to fuck me? Would the bear fuck a tiny Gnome? Or a Half-Orc? Is there anything the bear wouldn't fuck? Does the bear have standards?

I also wonder if Kotaku etc. would have been so positive about the bearfucking if the fuckee was female. I somehow suspect we would have gotten different headlines if that was the case.

Swen wants the girls to get fucked by bears too.

Indeed. Wait untill they realize a female can also get fcked by a bear in BG3...

processdaemon came up with a new term. Bearmance. He thinks zoophilia being normalized is funny.

To balance the power dynamic to the satisfaction of Kotaku et al Larian would need to introduce a Jaheira bearmance for balance

Gradenmayer has high hopes for his characters, regardless of gender, getting fucked by a bear. Bestiality is on his menu when playing BG3.

Halsin, the bear guy, is a confirmed optional companion for your party, so he will probably fuck whatever the main character is.

Barbarian wonders about getting cucked.

It was commented here or elsewhere that she brags about her body count and flirts with other companions in front of the pc.

Nerevar (how could you defile that name???) wants bear loads and wants them bad.

Okay I don't hate BG3 anymore they can do anything BG3 can literally force POZ bear loads on the main character and it is not gonna be as bad as SoD

Kiste is so happy. Why? Because he found fellow zoophiliacs right here on the codex.

Poz bear loads, you say?

Why yes, Awesomebutton hopes to one day be a Veterinarian. His specialty? Bears.

Bears can't be HIV positive afaik.

When Goldschmidt imagines fucking his waifu he also imagines a bear orgy for the rest of his part.

I am so gonna play with Shadowheart. Thank you mister Swen for creating Shadowheart. The rest of npcs can fuck themselves or the bear.

Reinhardt likes upskirt for a whole other reason

plot twist - there is penis under the dress

processdaemon loves thinking about Penis A and Penis B. Post release, I am sure he will tell everyone all about the differences, in detail.

I look forward to seeing how the Penis A playthrough will differ from the Penis B playthrough

 

[AwesomeButton]

I couldn't help myself:

I'm not particularly fond of Schreier, but his statement is as objective as it gets. It's just the schizo lady, who is losing her fucking grasp on reality.

IDK, if it's a game I want to play, I can easily put 5-6, 7 hours per day. Even if we leave one day for just editing my notes and composing an article, that' between 25 and 35 hours of playing time. I wouldn't say it's insufficient for a reviewer and gamer with experience.

 

[Steezus]

I couldn't help myself:

I'm not particularly fond of Schreier, but his statement is as objective as it gets. It's just the schizo lady, who is losing her fucking grasp on reality.

IDK, if it's a game I want to play, I can easily put 5-6, 7 hours per day. Even if we leave one day for just editing my notes and composing an article, that' between 25 and 35 hours of playing time. I wouldn't say it's insufficient for a reviewer and gamer with experience.

Cleary you can. You post on the 'dex, after all.

 

[AwesomeButton]

I don't usually troll hapless snowflakes, but this one was just too inviting.

 

[Zeriel]

So, if crunch is playing a highly anticipated brand new game before the rest of the world, sign me up for that crunch, and leave those whiny cunts aside.

Of course what these people are really telling you is they don't like playing video games. Maybe hire people who do, instead. But yeah, you can tell from all their output that they wish they were doing something more "important" and "valuable"; like working for the NYT.

 

[AwesomeButton]

I couldn't help myself:

I'm not particularly fond of Schreier, but his statement is as objective as it gets. It's just the schizo lady, who is losing her fucking grasp on reality.

IDK, if it's a game I want to play, I can easily put 5-6, 7 hours per day. Even if we leave one day for just editing my notes and composing an article, that' between 25 and 35 hours of playing time. I wouldn't say it's insufficient for a reviewer and gamer with experience.

Cleary you can. You post on the 'dex, after all.

Man, I remember playing BG2 for the first time in my teens. Gradually I began associating playing the game with the uncomfortable feeling of a bad taste in my mouth, being sleepy, hungry, and needing the toilet at the same time.

I was often sincerely thankful for the tip during area loading "While your character does not have to eat, remember that YOU do. We don't want to lose any dedicated players", because more than once that was the only trigger for me to finally get up from the computer. God knows how many hours I put into the game in the first 5 days. And this pathetic bitch is whining because she has to play BG3 beyond her "working hours", and this impacts her "life-work balance". I spit on these people.

 

[Readher]

What? You mean I need to no-life the brand new RPG with high production value and turn-BASED combat in order to write a review on time? This is ridiculous!

 

[AwesomeButton]

So, if crunch is playing a highly anticipated brand new game before the rest of the world, sign me up for that crunch, and leave those whiny cunts aside.

Of course what these people are really telling you is they don't like playing video games. Maybe hire people who do, instead. But yeah, you can tell from all their output that they wish they were doing something more "important" and "valuable"; like working for the NYT.

Of course.

 

[Saravan]

Made it to the list! We back boys!

 

[Theodora]

I realize you're ESL, so maybe you don't understand: I don't like your use of the word "assets" because it's misleading.

Game scripts are assets. They are literally sold in the assets shop for Unreal Engine and Unity. I guess these are dirty ESL companies who can't speak english.
Btw, I'm a developer too. Not in gamedev, but I do work on multiple projects, and there is a folder called "assets" that contains.... code. Scripts. Files I copy from other projects, like for validating dates or citizen ID numbers or car registration, etc. Literally reusing assets from my older work.

Asset doesn't just mean textures, visual assets aren't the only type of asset. You are being silly, and dying on a silly hill.

You're both right. To devs assets includes scripts, but colloquially to the ~uninformed masses~, assets means audiovisual assets specifically. Think Grunker and I already had a silly non-argument by talking past each other about this.

And NEG, although I agree they shouldn't be using the same textures they shipped things with 5 years ago, it's worth knowing that developers often have much higher resolution originals of things that were later scaled down; the real question there is if they fit the visual style of the newer project and wouldn't just be cost-cutting for the sake of it. (Though it also wouldn't be crazy to use older visual assets as placeholders for something in Early Access.)

 

[Readher]

So, if crunch is playing a highly anticipated brand new game before the rest of the world, sign me up for that crunch, and leave those whiny cunts aside.

Of course what these people are really telling you is they don't like playing video games. Maybe hire people who do, instead. But yeah, you can tell from all their output that they wish they were doing something more "important" and "valuable"; like working for the NYT.

Never forget that PC Gamer's PF: Kingmaker review was just a slightly edited copy-paste of an earlier preview that didn't go beyond act 3 or so and thus didn't even mention the ridiculous among of bugs, half of them game-breaking, which were present in later acts. The review was summed up with "this is nothing new" (which somehow doesn't apply to all the AAA slop releasing yearly or the "amazing" PoE2 Deadfire), and score which was identical to the percentage of positive reviews the game had on Steam at the time.

 

[BlackAdderBG]

Guys, guys just two weeks until you can loot 1000 crates for bowls, forks, brooms and empty bottles!!! And then...check this out...you can stack the crates on top of each other!!!

 

[AwesomeButton]

You know what I would do as Swen in my marketing campaign? I would give out review codes to players who send me proof of taking time off work in order to play my game, and would not send a key to Schreier. Then I would pay those players for the time off they took, per hour played on Steam/GOG.

It would make for a fun comparison how they deal with this "crunch".

 

[JarlFrank]

Game journalists are scum and deserve the rope. No exceptions.

 

[whydoibother]

I don't usually troll hapless snowflakes, but this one was just too inviting.

View attachment 38971

Opened her profile to comment, wrote my award winning zinger, and couldn't submit: in the 30 seconds between me opening and hitting submit, she made her profile private.

 

[AwesomeButton]

I don't usually troll hapless snowflakes, but this one was just too inviting.

View attachment 38971

Opened her profile to comment, wrote my award winning zinger, and couldn't submit: in the 30 seconds between me opening and hitting submit, she made her profile private.

That's why I said you rarely get such inviting opportunities. I still have half a mind to propose my idea for paying people who took time off to write reviews by tagging Swen and attaching the screenshot of her tweet.

 

[just]

i couldnt imagine that at the very end we would also see journos cry
im sorry for my shitposting swen, i kneel

 

[whydoibother]

i couldnt imagine that at the very end we would also see journos cry
im sorry for my shitposting swen, i kneel

Pillars: Outsold.
Resetera: Triggered.
Journalist: Crunched.
Grognards: Butthurt.
Romance scene: Bear Form.

Yep, its gaming time!