If you're asking me why the screen-shotted dialog is bad writing, I'm going to assume English isn't your first language. If English is your first language, and you still don't see a problem with that horribly clunky shit, you have no taste or you can't fucking read.
Yeah, it's not my first language, indeed, and it looks like it barely qualifies as yours, as well, given the poor reading comprehension.
Because no, I'm not arguing in favor of the text in these alpha screenshots (most likely having even their fair amount of typos and placeholder text) but about the system in general.
ETA: Forget about all of the rules it is violating -- show don't tell, heavy use of filtering, etc. If you even know what those things are. You probably don't.
Now you're just throwing shit on the wall hoping for something to stick.
A list of impersonal things your character is evaluating to say is not even "writing" in the sense you are implying and the "show, don't tell" rule does not apply even remotely.
It almost sounds like you followed a couple of lessons from some correspondence course about creative writing and now you're trying to show off despise a poor understanding of what you are talking about.
ETA2:
In practical terms the difference between a non-voiced
"Yes, I agree"
and a non-voiced
*I told him I agreed*
is entirely flavor. It doesn't change a fucking thing.
Lol it is not FLAVOR you idiot. It is definition of filtering, the hallmark of classically bad writing in fiction. You don't know what you're talking about, at all.
See? You are completely clueless. This is an interactive medium where you are inserting yourself in the narrative as the the conversing character.
Nothing of what you are picking from the list is supposed to be read aloud as a line in the dialogue, just to suggest you where you are directing the conversation.
Or did you think the Avatar literally went around Britannia repeating just "Name", "Job", "Shit" like your average Aspenger codexer with a Keldron avatar?