(I'm gonna be a bad boy. 'Cause it's than kinda day)
YE OLDEN DAYS
What do we do?: Kill things!
What's our job?: Killing things!
What are we rewarded for?: Killing things!
What are we gonna do when we see you?: Fuck you up!
THE NEW AGE
What do we do?: So, like, we go around and, like, talk to people and stuff. And they, like, want us to do things for them. And, see, we do those things. It's kinda like we're those Greek Heroes ya hear about sometimes. (Like Perseus and Hercules.) Yah, like them! But, like, don't get the wrong idea. We don't, like, go around and do great deeds 'n stuff. We're more into doing things like finding your gram's ring that you lost, or, like, tracking down your missing sister.
What's our job?: It's kind of, ya know, hard to explain. See, we're kinda like a combo Lost & Found/PI Firm. (You mean, you do odd jobs for people.) Yeah! Like that. We go around and, right, take jobs from people, and, like, sometimes the jobs are important, and sometimes they're not. But, like, we try to do them all. See, that's, like, professionalism. Right?
What are we rewarded for?: Well, see, when we go around and do stuff, we, like, get rewarded for it. (You mean, you get rewarded for accomplishing deeds.) No no. It's not like that. See, like, we don't get rewarded for finding your gram's ring you lost. We get rewarded when we tell you we found your gram's lost ring. (So, you get rewarded for helping people.) Well, sorta. But not really. It's like, see, we can get rewarded for helping people, but, like, we can also get rewarded if we just tell them we helped them. (So, if they think you helped them, then you get more powerful.) That's it! Now ya got it!
What are we gonna do when we see you?: Well, that depends. I mean, like, first we'd talk to you, and, like, find out how you're doin'. If you, like, got any problems we could help ya out with. Or, like, if you've got a boo boo we could help ya fix. We might not do what ya ask, even if we say we would, keep in mind, but, like, we'd think about it real hard. But, like, if you're a meanie, then...and it's obvious you're a meanie, then...and you do something that shows you're gonna keep being mean to people, and, like, are not willing to reform yourself, well, then, we'd have to fight you. But we'd be real sorry about it afters.