There's one person left at the Codex who actually still cares about games!
Two guys caring for sure , but for how long....
Konjad and Paul_cz slumped onto Paul's Slovakian couch as Kingdom Come: Deliverance agonizingly loaded onto their ancient, potato-powered PC. The graphics chugged along at a pathetic 1080p, the frame rate wheezing like a plague victim, but they didn't care.
"Finally," Konjad muttered, passing the bottle of Polish vodka. "Six years for this. It better be proper medieval rpg, none of that woke Veilguard garbage."
Their excitement swiftly curdled. A quest introduced a Malian doctor, dripping in gold necklaces and smugly lecturing about Islam's enlightened views on women.
Konjad froze. "What in the holy hell is this?"
The doctor spread his arms dramatically. "Ah, Henry, if only your people knew the respect and dignity we bestow upon women in my land."
"Shut the hell up!" Konjad roared at the screen. "Your land is a thousand miles away! Go back!"
Paul sank deeper into the couch, his face a mask of fury.
Then, the game delivered a gut punch: an unskippable cutscene of Lord Istvan Toth, that conniving bastard, cornering Henry in a dimly lit alleyway. Henry, looking absolutely terrified, tried to back away, but Istvan, with a maniacal glint in his eye, started pushing him against the wall and making alarmingly suggestive noises.
"This isn't immersive," Paul wheezed, hammering the keyboard. "This is a medieval woke snuff film!"
Konjad buried his face in his hands. "I wanted a medieval RPG, not this. Where's my hot tavern wench? I want to flirt with her, not watch this..."
Suddenly, the screen exploded into a flurry of limbs and... well, let's just say the camera lingered a bit too long on Lord Toth's... vigorous... pursuit of Henry. Konjad and Paul_cz stared at the screen, mouths agape, unable to utter a single word. The only sound was the frantic clicking of the keyboard as Paul desperately tried to find the "skip" button that didn't exist.
Then, a roaring engine shattered the silence. They looked out to see a Lamborghini screeching past. At the wheel was Daniel Vávra himself, sporting a t-shirt that proclaimed, "White, Cis, Male Privilege: Embrace It."
He honked twice, give them the middle finger, and sped off with a supermodel giggling beside him.
Konjad and Paul_cz finally found their voices, but only to let out strangled groans. They stared at the screen, the image of Lord Toth's... enthusiastic... pursuit of Henry... seared into their retinas.
