KickStarter Vampire Syndicate: Gangs of MoonFall

[santino27]

Another lore snippet.

Very cool video, and I like the art as always. How is the game itself coming? As a writer, I know you're aware that deep world lore generally serves as a backdrop to the narrative and the events contained within that narrative... world building is great and necessary, but it will end up getting drip fed to the player and/or reader. More context than actual content. With regards to the game, are you still in the stage of iterating on combat/sex mechanics and generating assets, or have you moved on to building out content for the narrative?

The KS video is good too, although I feel like the text being sequestered in the lower left corner in the first half rather than being rendered in traditional trailer style reduces its impact. I also think the initial character images being anime style might confuse potential backers; while I like the ability for people to pick their preferred art style (even if it seems like a lot of extra, not necessarily valuable work for you) and you do a good job of calling it out later in the video, it still feels like the sort of thing that will confuse the idiots you need to pony up dollars to back this*.

Lastly, I'd play with the font of the white text in the latter half of the video... it doesn't have much style to it (compare it to the green text from the Matrix, which became almost instantly identifiable both from the fact that it was typed out character by character and by its actual aesthetic), and feels like a lost opportunity to cement the aesthetic of the game. Think fade-in animations, a little more heft to the font... whatever. Right now, it just feels like text, and while readability is always, always, always the most important element, it feels like there's still room for some sort of added style in the presentation.

*I'll be one of them, but you need to sell to more than just the Codex.

 

[Readher]

Threw together a kickstarter video, not sure what to think about it. Probably should've hired a professional lol.

Oh well, got to save money somewhere. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some brief combat footage, no matter how WIP it is now, would probably be good to make it clear that it won't be Disco Elysium XXX. Looks good otherwise.

 

[Tyranicon]

After completing Memoirs of a Battle Brothel, I'm curious - if the new game is a direct sequel, will Moonfall start as a dependency of the Empire? And if so, will there be an option to try to regain its independence?

It's a plot point in Vampire Syndicate. Probably will end up as one of the bigger variables that can be changed by the player, much like the fate of the Courtesan's Guild (which has interesting and concrete changes depending on what you did in the last game).

How is the game itself coming?

Good. A lot of the preliminary stuff is done, so now I'm focusing on funding. How much money I raise will change my plans significantly.

Lore drip will be similar to how it's done in Memoirs.

 

[PulsatingBrain]

Threw together a kickstarter video, not sure what to think about it. Probably should've hired a professional lol.

Oh well, got to save money somewhere. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have you a goal date for launching the Kickstarter?

 

[Tyranicon]

Threw together a kickstarter video, not sure what to think about it. Probably should've hired a professional lol.

Oh well, got to save money somewhere. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have you a goal date for launching the Kickstarter?

Real soon. Probably within a few days depending on how long the review process will take.

I don't usually do much warm-up marketing because... well, I have no socials, money or manpower. I usually just rely on Kickstarter's organic reach, which isn't super great.

 

[Readher]

Threw together a kickstarter video, not sure what to think about it. Probably should've hired a professional lol.

Oh well, got to save money somewhere. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have you a goal date for launching the Kickstarter?

Real soon. Probably within a few days depending on how long the review process will take.

I don't usually do much warm-up marketing because... well, I have no socials, money or manpower. I usually just rely on Kickstarter's organic reach, which isn't super great.

Aside from F95 which you've got covered, there's Lemma Soft for VN and similar games. Your game isn't exactly a VN, but it has its elements, which should be enough.

Fuwanovel is another such forum.

Don't know what the policies on self-advertising are there, but Metacouncil is essentially resetera but without all the braindead SJW takes and trigger-happy mods. As long as you make a nice opening post with info about the game, linking to KS should be fine. You need a non-generic email to make an account though (work/uni/own domain).

CoG forum has a section for IF in other languages/engines and VNs are fine there (so should your game), but a lot of users there are cucked so need to watch out.

Make sure to make a news on Steam. This often gets overlooked for some reason.

 

[Tyranicon]

Full kickstarter video. New content starts at 2:00.

Basically need a cringe check on this. Also there will be anime boobs and vag.

 

[Zombra]

Full kickstarter video. Basically need a cringe check on this.

Love it.

* Never guessed your voice was so sexy.
* Way overboard on self-effacement. One or two expressions of low self-esteem are charming - but tell people you're no good enough times and they will start to believe you. This is the only thing that triggered my cringeometer.
* Really good, confident pitch about making your dream game.
** Before, I planned to back mostly to support you and check out more of your work but this had me legit excited to back the game completely for itself.
* I know this is a draft but was surprised not to hear a "thanks for watching" or get similar closure at the end.
* I wonder if it's too long to hold drive-by attention. Personally I found it all fascinating but that might be 'cause I know you a little and like to see the blanks filled in.

You could do a lot worse than to publish as is.

 

[santino27]

Full kickstarter video. Basically need a cringe check on this.

* Way overboard on self-effacement. One or two expressions of low self-esteem are charming - but tell people you're no good enough times and they will start to believe you. This is the only thing that triggered my cringeometer.

Agreed on all points, but especially this. Humility is fine, and can be a useful marketing tactic in small doses, but it's easy to go overboard with it, especially because so many creatives trend in that direction anywhere. I do think it's better to be honest and forthright (imo) than to be full of yourself, but both can turn off potential customers. Ultimately, you're there to sell the product and (since it's a kickstarter) yourself.

Regarding the length, 10 minutes is a LOT for a kickstarter trailer. I wonder if there's stuff you could extract into separate videos that you share either as subsequent updates to the KS or even link directly in the blurb and body of the campaign itself?

 

[Readher]

Yeah, a 10 minute video should probably be reserved for campaign updates that deal more in-depth with specific topics. The main overview should definitely be shorter. Slicing it into several smaller pieces seems like a good idea. Making short gifs that present various systems is also a popular strategy, though you obviously lose on voice over that way (and image quality).

 

[Nortar]

It's just a nitpicking but one phrase cought my eyes.

"Experience a grand, narrative-drive RPG experience unlike anything you've seen before."

It's a tautology - "experience this experience".
Maybe it could be reworded a bit, to underline that you, the writer, is one eloquent motherfucker.

I also agree with what was already said.
The vid is too long and too much time devoted to your life story.

Also Planescape Torment as inspiration is commendable here on Codex for monocled players, but if you're fishing for the wider crowd, I think it would be better to drop more names the normies are familar with, like Vampires and Cyberpunk.
Maybe even some slightly cringy cliches like "X-Com meets Ghost in the Shell in Game of Thrones: the Porn".

And one more thing, your voice sounds really cool, deep and confident.
But it's too monotone, like you're reading scrip from a sheet.
Try to ditch the paper and talk like you're telling this all to a close friend afterf a couple of beers, show that you're excited about the story and the game as you say you are.

 

[Zombra]

Try to ditch the paper and talk like you're telling this all to a close friend after a couple of beers, show that you're excited about the story and the game as you say you are.

Recommended. Don't pretend to have had a few beers if you can actually drink instead. I definitely sound better and more charming recorded loose than sober. (Honestly I thought the VO here was fine but if it's easy to rerecord, give it a shot.)

 

[Harthwain]

Also Planescape Torment as inspiration is commendable here on Codex for monocled players, but if you're fishing for the wider crowd, I think it would be better to drop more names the normies are familar with, like Vampires and Cyberpunk.

If you want to drop Planescape: Torment and look for something familiar with the normies, then why not just namedrop Disco Elysium? That's pretty much a spiritual successor to Planescape: Torment and is super popular.

 

[Readher]

Now that I could watch the whole thing with sound, here are my suggestions (some repeated from others):

1. Establish a basic structure. I would go with:
   • Introduction: your relevant background - education as a writer, previous games with short descriptions
   • Game: short overview of all the systems, where the inspirations came from, what's the vision of the end product
   • The campaign: what you need the money for, how long do you expect development to take, etc.
2. Video should be ~3 min.
3. It needs to be more explosive. Your voice should be more excited and confident instead of being Sseth review parody. Music should be something more hype, some dark synthwave would work I think.
4. 1-2 jokes at your expense at most, possibly offset by some "joke" where you present yourself much better than in actuality (just something random off my head: "If you were disappointed by Cyberpunk 2077, worry not, I've got you covered" or something along that line).

You can then go into more detail about everything using text and gifs in the campaign page, and then make further videos on various subjects that are more "boring" in campaign updates.

 

[RaggleFraggle]

I would shy away from naming other games and just describe your game purely on its own merits.

 

[Tyranicon]

Thanks bros, a lot of food for thought. I'll see if I can make some minor changes. I think the long runtime will be fine since the first two minutes is actual trailer, and the remainder is just boring dev history stuff. I think a lot of people will dip out, but that's expected.

The campaign should be launching next week.

It'll be interesting.

 

[Technomancer]

Threw together a kickstarter video, not sure what to think about it. Probably should've hired a professional lol.

Oh well, got to save money somewhere. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The only thing I don't like is the music. Its too upbeat for dark setting and worst of all it is basically entirely old school cyberpunk without any Vampire/Gothic vibe to it whatsoever so it is very one-sided, somewhat generic and doesn't fit the game completely.

If only you could mix it with something like this (or nearly any other track brilliant Rick Schaffer did for VTMB):




But yeah I get it, music is expensive and mixing two completely different styles into something unique and catchy is hard as fuck and would need someone really talented. When it works however, it elevates everything, sets the mood, is extremely memorable and instantly becomes a meme classic (see mechanicus main OST which somehow succeeded at mixing chorus with techno).

 

[Tyranicon]

When your vampires are overpowered so you make your slayers overpowered too.

There is an additional layer of armor that pops up over the helmet if anyone is curious. It's from the robocop school of body augmentation.

 

[Harthwain]

I really like the designs of the slayers. Might end up joining them if this keeps up.

 

[Tyranicon]

Kickstarter launched: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1619485858/vampire-syndicate-gangs-of-moonfall

Let me know if the page is wonky. Kickstarter seems to be having some issues lately.

 

[PulsatingBrain]

Backed! Page looks fine on my end. I assume since the demo is on Steam, that the game will be there too? Or do you have to apply for that separately?

 

[Tyranicon]

Backed! Page looks fine on my end. I assume since the demo is on Steam, that the game will be there too? Or do you have to apply for that separately?

Yeah the game will be released on Steam and Itch.io when it's ready.

Maybe GOG as well since my last game is on there, but that's probably further down the line.

 

[santino27]

Backed! Looks great, and best of luck!

 

[_V_]

Kickstarter launched: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1619485858/vampire-syndicate-gangs-of-moonfall

Let me know if the page is wonky. Kickstarter seems to be having some issues lately.

Needs a codex front page newspost. And some interview crap newspost and stuff.

 

[Tyranicon]

Kickstarter launched: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1619485858/vampire-syndicate-gangs-of-moonfall

Let me know if the page is wonky. Kickstarter seems to be having some issues lately.

Needs a codex front page newspost. And some interview crap newspost and stuff.

So I probably neglected to say it before, but I don't expect the site or Infinitron to give me or my games any special attention. This is in light of the fact that despite my various very based and prestigious tastes, I am a porn dev at the end of the day.

It is, as it always is, up to the whims of the administration. I would be appreciative if they do decide to put up a newspost, but also understand completely if they don't want to splash weeb porn across their front page.