Emotional Invalidation: A Form of Emotional Abuse
By
Sharon Martin / August 26, 2018
Emotional invalidation is painful. Sometimes it’s unintentional, but it’s a sign of emotional abuse when done repeatedly and intentionally.
Have others minimized, shamed, or invalidated your feelings?
Having your feelings diminished, ignored, or rejected is a painful experience for all of us – but even more so if you’re a
Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) or survivor of abuse or other trauma.
It’s important to have a sense of belonging and to be a part of a group — a family or community. And part of belonging to any group is to be known, understood, and accepted. But, while it’s normal to want to be understood, we can’t depend on others to validate who we are, what we believe in, and how we feel. When we do, we compromise pieces of who we are in order to fit in and let
others determine our self-worth.
Your feelings are valid
Your feelings matter. Emotions serve an important purpose and shouldn’t be ignored. For example, feeling angry, afraid, or sad tells you that something’s wrong. You don’t want to miss these crucial pieces of information because they can help you to take care of yourself and make decisions to keep yourself safe.
Feelings aren’t right or wrong. They are a reflection of your thoughts, experiences, and perceptions, which is why two people can have the same experience, but feel differently.
It’s also important to note that validation – saying that someone’s feelings are acceptable or worthwhile – isn’t the same as agreeing with their feelings. We can certainly feel differently, but make the effort to try to understand and empathize with our loved one’s feelings.