Kodex Kommunistic Kastle. Fortress. Dwarf Fortress.

[baud]

Deal with it. Spread some tasteful propaganda or sumth, I don't care.

Propaganda is my second name.

Seems like Azira ran out of traitor's skin to use

 

[Bliblablubb]

Bliblablubb is sorta just lounging around for now, isn't she? She's a strong dwarf. She could help haul stuff when she's not needed in the hospital.

"She hates freedom and would crush independent spirit wherever it is found"
"She is utterly fearless when confronted with danger to the point of lacking common sense"
"She is unfocussed after being unable to fight"
"She dreams of mastering a skill"

Does that mean I want to fight someone or I want to learn how to fight? If so I could always join the glorious defenders of the motherfortress (part time battlemedic). Preferred weapon: laser. Awwww wait.... crossbow.

Btw: where are my 5 saplings? Has anyone of them joined us, or are they on a prestigious mission to fight individual freedom?

 

[Grimwulf]

Does that mean I want to fight someone or I want to learn how to fight? If so I could always join the glorious defenders of the motherfortress (part time battlemedic). Preferred weapon: laser. Awwww wait.... crossbow.

A lot of dwarves would enjoy having some combat training every now and then. Some players, myself included, practice "sparring as a hobby" in some fortresses. You know, just assign everyone in different militia squads, build a separate barracks, schedule smth like:
- One squad trains during Moonstone and Malachite
- Another squad trains during Obsidian and Sandstone
- etc, you got the idea

But we're not doing this in KKK. Long story short, due to a number of technical issues, this approach isn't worth a single satisfied need. No worries, though. Sukhavati assigned Matalarata as our new tavern performer. We'll have plenty of bar fights, broken noses, and one-eyed komrades soon.

Btw: where are my 5 saplings? Has anyone of them joined us, or are they on a prestigious mission to fight individual freedom?

All of them are here in the fortress.

Spoiler

Pardon me the inattention to kids, but you have no idea what's it like to google for dwarven children avatars. Don't try this at home.

Children of Redlabored are parasites feeding on our progress. Consuming booze and food, doing nothing productive, having no higher purpose.

Speaking of food. You're probably wondering why is our great chef Sqeecoo can't provide satisfying meals? Because all dwarves have their own preferences when it comes to food. Sqeecoo prepares complex lavish meals, if at least one ingredient is likable - the food is gud. All she needs to do is pack every meal with different stuff - we have plenty of cookable foodstuffs, thanks to our second-class citizens.

What Sqeecoo does instead is this:

Spoiler

Pure genius.

 

[SmartCheetah]

I wonder, is my little bearded fellow even skilled in ranged combat? Does he have anything, or is basicly a total noob at shooting stuff?

 

[Grimwulf]

I wonder, is my little bearded fellow even skilled in ranged combat? Does he have anything, or is basicly a total noob at shooting stuff?

He's pretty bad at shooting.

Spoiler

But he had great potential as a hunter. Working as a hunter would also improve his shooting rather quickly. Instead, you're bashing Kalin's squadmembers with a crossbow.

 

[InD_ImaginE]

1. (top priority) Textile & Bone Industry. After all we all need beautiful things to wear if we are to greet our elven neighbors. And bone workshops will be additional source of stress relief I guess? And we can sell the bones stuff to our lovely elven neighbors.
2. (high priority) General Storage. Better logistic means that everything will be done quicker. I guess it will solve the smithy backlog as well?
3. (low priority) Zoo. While we can yet to grow some floras yet, the beauty of nature will provide stress relief to our population which we need. And I believe our elven neighbor will be impressed by our collection of fauna later.

Sukhāvatī I also volunteer to be a performer. Can't go wrong with some exotic elven dance to improve the mood you know.

 

[Hace El Oso]

I feel bad, voting against Kalin probably didn't help his blood pressure :/ He needs to start practising dwarf yoga or something, anything as long as it isn't a bonaz.

Rolling around on a training mat is about as close to dwarven yoga as he's going to get, I think.


I. Great Hall. No point living in a house when you eat and party in the latrine.
II. "Metal District. Our dwarves need Автома́т Осоникова 27s like the air they breathe, the deer cake they eat. How else will I produce them?" was what I was going to say until I realized that bowyers don't make metal crossbows, which really seem to be the way to go. So, Military Quarters. Can't have CapitánKommander Kalin replacing the Tamarin as the army mascot.
III. General Storage. Boulders everywhere, what is this? The Alps?

 

[Reinhardt]

Rolling around on a training mat is about as close to dwarven yoga as he's going to get, I think.

Except there is no one gud enough to make him roll around.

 

[Citizen]

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Rolling around on a training mat is about as close to dwarven yoga as he's going to get, I think.

Except there is no one gud enough to make him roll around.

Can't be that hard, just put him in a barrel.

 

[Hace El Oso]

Are they all so... corpulent?

 

[Reinhardt]

Are they all so... corpulent?

 

[Kalin]

Pick three facilities, starting from top priority (3 points) and ending with the lowest (1 point) that we start working on AFTER we finish Food District and Kommunalka

Yeah yeah, anutha "make ur wishlist of shit u will NEVER SEE" cuz Kommukalka will take FORFUKINEVER to build!

WE NEED MILITARY QUARTERS! NOW!!!

If you manage to pull something HEROIC and bring me TROPHIES, I will award you. Not with a bonus, you dimwit, I mean a favor.

Favore? u gotta be kidding me I GOT FAVORE! YOU OWE ME THREE FAVORE ALREADY!!

Forgot to say, YOU ARE GOING INSANE. You know that, right? Dwarven mental breaks are irreversible. Once you go insane - you will DIE, one way or another! Be it suicide, starvation, or going berserk on the whole fortress - DAS IT for you! So if ye have any BRIGHT ideas on how to preserve your sanity, NOW is the time to spit it out!

Yeh well HEY! Here's a BRIGHT IDEA: Gib ma fookin bonaz, ima kalm duwn in no time!

Priority number one is to GIVE DA MAN HIS BONAZ!

Das rite! This dorf *knows*

As soon as he DESERVES one! Kalin was a COMPLETE FUCKING FAILURE so far!

.....

BONAZ shall be awarded.

DAS RITE! NOW gimme sum! Cut me a piece!

EVERYTHING in Redlabored BELONGS TO YOUR KOMMISSAR! NO BONAZ for Kalin!

.....

muthafuk-

Besides, none of you have private rooms with chests/coffers/cabinets, etc - YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO STORE PRIVATE PROPERTY!

....

Yeh... know wat?

FUK

DIZ

SHEIT!



Guddam GRIM gon let da fookin LEGEND of KKK rot and DIE cuz he's too damn CHEAP! Well guess wat - enuff is ENUFF! dat snazzy kommissar room? Yuge bed, weapun racks, all dem snazzy goodies u dun hoardin? Das MY ROOM NOW! Das rite - ima rekvusishun it for mentul health recovary! Ooh don worry ima gib it back when ah get mah MILITARY QUARTERS!

Huuh, wuzaht? cum again? wut u say now? naaah ah wanna hear diz... Disloyale?? NO U FUGK U GOLDUN ASS FAGET UR DISLOYALE! Das rite. DAS RITE! to protekt KKK from muself ah need da BEST ROOM and da BIGGEST BONAZ! u GO sleep in dem barruk an HAUL sum sheit - ooh oh and ah KNOW! Go KILL dat FUKIN BEAST WHILE UR AT IT! Daz kommunizm for ya!

problum? well see there two typez of dorf ok, those with snazzy weapuns an them without! And me and muh krew - we got all dem weapuns! MARSHUL LAW! MAR! SHUL! LAAAAAAAW! All death drills OFF, milishu gon *keep da peace* an enjoy rek-time in tavurn! Well, except Logal - he's fukin FIRED! Go mine or sum shit u little fuk!

a bear named spigot Kalarion BrotherFrank Storyfag SmartCheetah Hace El Oso

Time to STEP UP!
u KNOW im RITE
Spot me bros!

 

[Grimwulf]

Well guess wat - enuff is ENUFF! dat snazzy kommissar room? Yuge bed, weapun racks, all dem snazzy goodies u dun hoardin? Das MY ROOM NOW!

Huuh, wuzaht? cum again? wut u say now? naaah ah wanna hear diz... Disloyale?? NO U FUGK U GOLDUN ASS FAGET UR DISLOYALE! Das rite. DAS RITE!

I AM YOUR GODDA--

Hold on. I have a bright idea.

MARSHUL LAW! MAR! SHUL! LAAAAAAAW!

All death drills OFF

Logal - he's fukin FIRED!

FUCK YOU, only KOMMANDER decides when to MARSHUL LAW!

I AM THE KOMMANDER NOW!

KOMMANDER GRIMWULF!!

You? You are just a GODDAMN KOMMISSAR! You ain't firing MY TROOPS from MY BARRACKS!

Spoiler

Komrades! BOTTLE BROTHERS! This Spring I will DEMONSTRATE how to CREATE AND LEAD ELITE UNIT ffffucking PERSONALLY! At the same time I will show you WHAT would happen if this goblinfucked KALIN was elected as YOUR KOMMISSAR! This Spring we are SWITCHING our duties! He gets Kommissar's Quarters and Authority, I get THE PROLEBASHERS!

And since I AM THE ONE making KEY CHOICE, I promise you this:

WE ARE GOING DOWN THE CAVERNS FOR A GLOOOOOORIOUS MONSTER HUNTING!

I'll show you how to DO YOUR GODDAMN JOB, KALIN!

 

[Kalin]

Ayo hol up- it worked?

Im da KOMMISSAR now??

Akshul.... BONAZ?

Heheheheh! DEAL! Diz gon b gud.

 

[Reinhardt]

 

[Andnjord]

Dayum, that was unexpected.

 

[a bear named spigot]

i don't want to be in the prolebashers anymore

 

[Lizzurd]

WE ARE GOING DOWN THE CAVERNS FOR A GLOOOOOORIOUS MONSTER HUNTING!

A population of Redlabored is going to suddenly decline.

 

[Reinhardt]

So Helly was right! And about digging deeper, and about Kailn as kommissar. Poor Kassandra...

 

[vazha]

All death drills OFF, milishu gon *keep da peace* an enjoy rek-time in tavurn!

I believe the correct spelling is tavern, not tavurn, Mr. Kalin.

 

[Bliblablubb]

I am not calling Kalin "KKKommissar". #NotMyKKKommissar

On the plus side: put him in the golden armor, call it "his bonaz" and when he goes mental... well, even a legless cripple could escape from him at that speed.

 

[Reinhardt]

All death drills OFF, milishu gon *keep da peace* an enjoy rek-time in tavurn!

I believe the correct spelling is tavern, not tavurn, Mr. Kalin.

You misspelled "cavern"

 

[Andnjord]

On the plus side: put him in the golden armor, call it "his bonaz" and when he goes mental... well, even a legless cripple could escape from him at that speed.

A dwarf capacity to walk around depends on his strength and 'armor user' skill. Considering that unlike Grimmie Kalin has been using some armor for a while and should definitely be stronger than a piddling mason...well I wouldn't want to bet on being faster than him if he was to go berserk and hunt after me.

 

[Hace El Oso]

I AM THE KOMMANDER NOW!

WE ARE GOING DOWN THE CAVERNS FOR A GLOOOOOORIOUS MONSTER HUNTING!

i don't want to be in the prolebashers anymore

P.S. I hereby name my younger brother Andnjord as the beneficiary of my will and the keg of sewer brew or whatever the state pays out in the event of my death.