From Software Elden Ring - From Software's new game with writing by GRRM

[HeatEXTEND]

One brofist to whoever can say what's wrong in these images :

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I tried killing him while starting as a wretch. Died ofc, and I quit the game with alt+f4. Somehow, after hitting Continue, I respawned outside the fog gate with 0 HP but invincible :D

1hp?

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"btw i didn't finish the game"

 

[Efe]

he got his hp bugged after ragequitting

do you guys really hate crucible knights?
they can be parried, they give a lot of room to roll and their attacks are telegraphed.
bets kind of enemy gimme more (but not 2 at once)

 

[perfectslumbers]

Dying to the grafted scion in the tutorial has a different script than every other death in the game that leaves you at 1 hp for a bit. It's probably easy to bug out

 

[TheHeroOfTime]

I'm so glad they got a successful fantasy author to collaborate with them for the game. Means there will be original content :D

Spoiler

Why the fuck am I in Ringed City?!

We have been playing Demon's souls DLCs all this time

 

[Andnjord]

Aaaaah, time to get my shit kicked in by Malenia.

I think this will be the last time I'll really make an effort to learn a boss properly solo, depending on how the other bosses will go I won't be against using the Ashes summons against them.

 

[Child of Malkav]

Elden Ring’s ‘Easy Mode’ Is One Of The Most Popular Mods Right Now

https://www.gamebyte.com/elden-ring-easy-mode/

https://www.nexusmods.com/eldenring/mods/146

There is mimic tear which can solo the game for you, comet azur plus many other spells, bleed, bloodhound step, fingerprint shield and they still want an easy mode.
Memehackzaky fooled the people who didn't want to play Soulsborne games, making this one "accessible" with open world and a demonic looking horse and everyone ate it up. Now they realize shit is still fucked so they demand journo mode. Jesus wept.

 

[Kjaska]

He's pretty good. His intro summary is on point. Never knew how bad the KB people actually had it, holy shit.

 

[PorkyThePaladin]

To quote one of my childhood heroes, now you really seem upset.

Not as upset as you were when you realized you're the only person on the planet to have died to Pinwheel.

Di_X, I know you are a bit slow on the uptake, but the guy earlier in the thread literally admitted to dying to him. And we both know all of you died to pinwheel as well, you are just so insecure you won't admit it.

Fundamentally, this is what really irks you people: no matter how many times you mention pinwheel, I still completed all the Dark Souls games using player-skill based builds, while you had to resort to meta cheese. And that will never let you be. You can pay me my shrink fees later.

Wtf is your obsession with Gene Wolfe anyway? He uses big words and it confuses you?

Much like Elden Ring and your wit, he is severely lacking as a writer. Unless you are into college assignments.

And neither are you getting the point everyone is making at you. No one gives a flying fuck that you died to Pinwheel, we've all had our share of embarassment in these games, but everyone is laughing because you care so much about defending your honor in that regard. Had you just said something along the lines of "Yeah, I guess that was embarassing, right? Guess I had too much weed/alchohol/hot bitches/etc that night" the first time it was brought up and ignored it afterward that would have been the end of it.

Anyways, I'll leave you to fight with NJClaw and the others, they seem to enjoy this more than I do.

You are trying to rewrite the narrative, and you are too stupid to do it successfully, my friend. There is no point that everyone is making, in fact you, NJCluck, Zed the Doink, and Di_X have no point whatsoever. You idiots just got butthurt about my on-point comments about the game, and started throwing around some silly 3rd grade level insults (oh noes, you died to a boss in a game where everyone dies to trash mobs 40,000 times), and then you all got wrecked by my superior arguments, and now you are putting your tail between your fat legs, and trying to slink away from here while acting like you made some point. Lol. Try again.

Anyways, I'll leave you to fight with NJClaw and the others, they seem to enjoy this more than I do.

Fight? I won't beat up an old man. This is more of a eldercare situation.

Another broken bully-wannabe trying to exit in a somewhat dignified manner. No, please stay, I can make it hurt some more. You guys are really running away too fast. Had too much of Porky?

Wtf is your obsession with Gene Wolfe anyway? He uses big words and it confuses you?

Yes, PorkyThePopamole complained that he reads books for entertainment, preferring "fun" authors such as Brandon Sanderson, and found The Book of the New Sun to be unengaging because, for someone of Porky's elevated intellect, it would, by his own admission, require three re-reads, copious note-taking, and a doctorate in literature to uncover the fascinating elements.

"On the surface level, it is just about the dullest story ever told, a confusing as hell tale of a time traveling dolt, stumbling around the world without any seeming point or purpose, yet firmly on a path to save the world, somehow at the same time. Nothing in it makes any coherent sense without first analyzing the shit out of it and re-reading a bunch of times."

Furthermore, according to Porky, The Book of the New Sun is a triumph of style over substance, consisting of glittery prose and an intricate puzzle but without any enjoyment to be found in the concepts, characters, or story.

And apparently he was so butthurt over it that not only did he ping me in his assessment of The Book of the New Sun after finally completing it but he still insists on raising the topic in completely irrelevant threads.

Well put, that describes Gene Wolfe quite well. But you got the butthurt part wrong, kiddo, I pinged you once for amusement, you've been shit-rating me for thousands of posts. Sounds like the shoe is on the other foot. But keep them coming. It's always nice to feel popular.

 

[Werdnicus]

You autists are the ones coping, I am enjoying myself. See, I bring a normal person's perspective to From Software games. That might sting and make you seethe, but it is what it is.

 

[PorkyThePaladin]

When I am not abusing the retard brigade above, here's something pertinent to the actual game and how it's so badly designed, lol:

I was trying to jump down those mountain platforms to Jarburg on the steed, and kept falling to my death because it's almost impossible to navigate the steed on those. But one time, I jumped into the mountain, and the steed's snout got caught into the cliff face somehow, and he remained stuck in the mountain side by his snout, with me on top, until I pressed jump, and managed to jump off his snout onto the platform below. That's some next level equine Cliffhanger shit.

 

[PorkyThePaladin]

You autists are the ones coping, I am enjoying myself. See, I bring a normal person's perspective to From Software games. That might sting and make you seethe, but it is what it is.

So what you are trying to say is that I lost some serious weight?

 

[Werdnicus]

No, what I am trying to say is that you're a whiny old man and per your admittance fat and possibly retarded too

 

[PorkyThePaladin]

Ok. I mean you see NJCluck, Di_X and that other dude whose name escapes me cause he is so irrelevant tuck tail and run away above, but if you want some of this, Porky is always happy to oblige.

I see that you joined in 2021, so you must be especially dumb. Or maybe you are NJCluck's alt, cause he got tired of getting abused so much on his main account?

Do tell, friendo.

 

[Silverfish]

And what language do you speak to your ... hand?

Sign language.

 

[Andnjord]

you all got wrecked by my superior arguments, and now you are putting your tail between your fat legs, and trying to slink away from here while acting like you made some point. Lol. Try again.

Unlike you, I don't have a pathological need to prove an internet point with strangers I've never met. You do you, bye and enjoy being yourself, you must be a hoot at parties.

 

[Andnjord]

Actually, one last thing just because you made it so easy.

Di_X, I know you are a bit slow on the uptake, but the guy earlier in the thread literally admitted to dying to him. And we both know all of you died to pinwheel as well, you are just so insecure you won't admit it.

And do you see anyone picking on him? No? I wonder why that might be, and if that has anything to do with what I had mentionned earlier.

 

[Surf Solar]

do you guys really hate crucible knights?

Yes. Absolutely. They never stop attacking. They input read. They never stagger. They basically do whatever the fuck they want and you're left picking up the crumbs.
One crucible knight could kill O&S AND Gwynn at the same time.
Actually, the bastard in not shrine of storms could probably kill everything in DeS and DS1.

Just parry them, especially the sword and board guy is easy to parry

 

[Sunri]

I REALLY don't think the game needs to get easier when no matter how bad I play I can just out level the challenge. If you are one of the fags that whines about summons or weapon arts then don't use them. Fuck don't use the mount. Walk the entire game and see if you can SPEEDRUN it.

That's why we need hard mode!

Spoiler

 

[PorkyThePaladin]

you all got wrecked by my superior arguments, and now you are putting your tail between your fat legs, and trying to slink away from here while acting like you made some point. Lol. Try again.

Unlike you, I don't have a pathological need to prove an internet point with strangers I've never met. You do you, bye and enjoy being yourself, you must be a hoot at parties.

You are trying to turn the whole e-beef here inside out, perhaps because you are confused. So let Porky break it down for you.

I have no internet points to prove. I merely come here to post about the actual game, whether I happen to like or hate it, or anything in between. That's what I was doing.

But any time I do that, the idiot brigade gets butthurt (the NJClucks, Di_Xs, Zed the Doinks, etc), and starts making what they think are personal attacks against me: that I died to Pinwheel, or that I think aRPGs are the future, or whatever else they think is somehow insulting. Mostly because they are extremely butthurt about their favorite book, or movie, or video game that I shat on in the past. It wasn't personal, of course, but these petty morons will hold a grudge forever. I mean I live rent-free in their tiny heads forever, my sayings are in their forum sigs, they probably got my name tattooed in their private places.

Now that's all cool, as far as I am concerned, but of course if they do that, I reserve the right to use my vastly superior wit and sense of humor to turn the tables on them, and make fun of them. I just happen to do it a lot better.

But other than having fun, and doing my Paladin thang against wanna-be e-bullies, I really have no point to make here. So you need to relax your sphincter and re-evaluate your life priorities.

Actually, one last thing just because you made it so easy.

Di_X, I know you are a bit slow on the uptake, but the guy earlier in the thread literally admitted to dying to him. And we both know all of you died to pinwheel as well, you are just so insecure you won't admit it.

And do you see anyone picking on him? No? I wonder why that might be, and if that has anything to do with what I had mentionned earlier.

They are not picking on him because he doesn't say anything controversial. Me, I will SHIT all over their favorite games if they are shit. And boy does it hurt, but that's how freedom of expression works. I mean shiiite, they probably got my picture on the tube of their Preparation H. "Has this man been insulting your favorite RPG? Or Gene Wolfe? Apply to ass in generous quantities!"

 

[PorkyThePaladin]

I had a productive day btw, in ER. Killed Flying Fireshitter Agheel, Stonedigger Troll, and Tibia Mariner (2nd time). Also fought Quartermaster O'Neill or whatever the fuck his name, but his healthbar might be too much for my weapon atm.

Also just killed poor Patches, and Duelist Warden Whatever. 5 bosses in one day ain't bad, though I killed most of them on the first try, so I am probably over-leveled for Limgrave by now.

 

[Lutte]

do you guys really hate crucible knights?

Yes. Absolutely. They never stop attacking. They input read. They never stagger. They basically do whatever the fuck they want and you're left picking up the crumbs.
One crucible knight could kill O&S AND Gwynn at the same time.
Actually, the bastard in not shrine of storms could probably kill everything in DeS and DS1.

I love them. They are among my favorite fights. The only thing I hate about them is how punishing it is when you make a single mistake because it's really hard to heal, but if it wasn't their super aggro and range to get onto you when you heal they're otherwise pretty fair and predictable. They don't do the sort of moveset scrambling enemies like Margit do.

Here's me doing the first crucible encounter with an unupgraded longsword and buckler parry :

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

First time I played this game I saw the Death Rite Bird boss and was like, "This is the goofiest looking shit I've seen. Undead Tweedy, ackackackackackack."

Then on my follow up playthrough it hit me, this visual design is amazing. I love it. I am highly considering getting a gigantic Death Rite Bird mural tattooed all over my back. Miyazaki did it. He fucking did it. He really is a genius.

 

[Zed Duke of Banville]

You autists are the ones coping, I am enjoying myself. See, I bring a normal person's perspective to From Software games. That might sting and make you seethe, but it is what it is.

Brofisted, but I prefer:

Keep in mind that Porky entered a hundred random dungeons he stumbled across in Morrowind, and then complained they didn't have quests attached to them, only rarely had powerful artifacts, and that he found them repetitive.
Keep in mind that Porky died against Pinwheel in Dark Souls.
Keep in mind that Porky put together a poll on best historical fiction novels by compiling random lists he stumbled across in an internet search, then took umbrage when we pointed out that many on his poll weren't actually historical fiction.
Keep in mind that Porky couldn't think to use ice magic against a fire-breathing dragon in Dragon's Dogma, then came here to complain about how difficult the fight was.

 

[d1r]

do you guys really hate crucible knights?

Yes. Absolutely. They never stop attacking. They input read. They never stagger. They basically do whatever the fuck they want and you're left picking up the crumbs.
One crucible knight could kill O&S AND Gwynn at the same time.
Actually, the bastard in not shrine of storms could probably kill everything in DeS and DS1.

I love them. They are among my favorite fights. The only thing I hate about them is how punishing it is when you make a single mistake because it's really hard to heal, but if it wasn't their super aggro and range to get onto you when you heal they're otherwise pretty fair and predictable. They don't do the sort of moveset scrambling enemies like Margit do.

Here's me doing the first crucible encounter with an unupgraded longsword and buckler parry :

Great taste in manga, my friend. Nice video too, I guess?

 

[NJClaw]

I was trying to jump down those mountain platforms to Jarburg on the steed, and kept falling to my death because it's almost impossible to navigate the steed on those.

One thing that helped me to stop dying on those jumping sections is to get off the horse whenever I'm close to the edge and I need to turn around. Unless the next platform is really far (and that's rarely the case), you can reach it just as easily with your regular un-horsed jump.