Completed Porky's Ring: a Squire's Road to Greatness [SL1]

[Andnjord]

I have read a lot of complaints about how Maliketh's punishable windows are too short, and honestly I can't understand how people approach this fight

I've noticed too that a lot of the fights can be incredibly intimidating upon first encounter, to the point that it drives a lot of player's (my own included) mistakes.

Well, he's the master of elegant hats, and here on the codex the most elegant hat obviously is:

Oh, so Fedora Master then. Dunno about the others still.

 

[mediocrepoet]

I know you're referencing some codexers, but the only one I can distinguish is Jarlfrank. Can you tell us who are the other ones or do we have to wait Vaati's video on it?

I'll check if VaatiVidya has some kind of Patreon subscription to commission personalized lore videos.

Maybe mediocrepoet or Zed Duke of Banville can add more pieces to the puzzle? I suppose the "hardest" identity to figure out would be Lady Tanith, the others should be fairly easy for anyone well versed in recent Codex lore.

I'll admit, Andnjord has given this significantly more thought than I have. But I'll give it a go.

Spoiler

PorkythePage -- I'm actually not sure about this one. Some sort of weird DU fanfic as far as I can tell.
Dark Lord of the Underworld -- A masterful depiction of PorkythePaladin. Cheers!
Maximilian the Dog -- clearly a reference to GGS. Well done, I say!
Duke of Banville -- I've always thought of Crispy more like a sheriff, but who am I to question artistic license?
Asshole guy -- Ontopoly
Manynamed -- Liberal, as whatever the hell he's called atm. Maximus?
Feet Collector --
Master of Elegant Hats --
Kruno -- Kruno, probably, I guess.
Orange Alien One Eyed God -- Infinitron
Lady Tanith "The Rogue God" -- Roguey, I suppose, given that the Gods are apparently admin.
L ... apparently a tranny -- LadyError?

 

[NJClaw]

L ... apparently a tranny -- LadyError?

This is the most non-authoritative thing I've ever read on this forum. You're one step closer to the iggy-bin.

From that list you're only missing Rya, the evil lich, Ranni, Radahn (but I guess this is too obscure), and the Dick-Helicopterer. Also Porky started as Porky, but I guess the real porkies are the friends we made along the way.

 

[mediocrepoet]

L ... apparently a tranny -- LadyError?

This is the most non-authoritative thing I've ever read on this forum. You're one step closer to the iggy-bin.

From that list you're only missing Rya, the evil lich, Ranni, Radahn (but I guess this is too obscure), and the Dick-Helicopterer. Also Porky started as Porky, but I guess the real porkies are the friends we made along the way.

Yeah, I should've guessed that for L. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. The right answer makes the related Porky thirst posts in the LP funnier though.

The dick helicopter thing sounds familiar, but can't place it off the top of my head. Meatspin and related antics have a long history in these parts.

I'll have another peek through the thread later on when I have time for some big brain time.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Checks:

[Intelligence]: Failure
[Autism]: Critical failure

Several hours pass, spent consulting the holy scriptures and cross referencing it with etchings made from chicken bones and dog shit...

Spoiler

Rya -- Scroo
Radahn -- Darth Roxor
Dick Helicopter guy -- Fluent

Also now that I've gone back to the beginning of the thread and gone through it, I see all the hints about L.

Still not sure about these two.
Lich -- Victor?
Ranni -- No idea.

You know, some of this is more clever than I originally figured.

 

[NJClaw]

Good job with Rya and Ordovis. You're shaping up to be this playthrough's VaatiVidya.

Radahn can't be Darth Roxor, because Darth Roxor already got killed in this episode. This is the only bit of lore related to him:

Having been tricked once again, I only have one choice now. I need to find the old legendary hero who kept the peace in the Shouting Lands before the Eastern Kings came. Nobody has seen him in years, but word is he went mad and got lost in an endless desert wasteland. He is the strongest mortal who ever lived, with arms so big and powerful even the very gods are scared of him. Defeating him will definitely grab the gods' attention, and then they will no longer deny me access to the Shouting Lands.

It isn't much, but it's all very specific to a single user.

I thought the lich and Ranni were the easiest ones (after L and the Fire Giant)... their identity is intertwined and should be made clear by the first 4 episodes of chapter 2. I can't say much without spoiling it entirely.

Also now that I've gone back to the beginning of the thread and gone through it, I see all the hints about L.

I mean, her and Porky literally formed a jagged alliance.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Good job with Rya and Ordovis. You're shaping up to be this playthrough's VaatiVidya.

Radahn can't be Darth Roxor, because Darth Roxor already got killed in this episode. This is the only bit of lore related to him:

Having been tricked once again, I only have one choice now. I need to find the old legendary hero who kept the peace in the Shouting Lands before the Eastern Kings came. Nobody has seen him in years, but word is he went mad and got lost in an endless desert wasteland. He is the strongest mortal who ever lived, with arms so big and powerful even the very gods are scared of him. Defeating him will definitely grab the gods' attention, and then they will no longer deny me access to the Shouting Lands.

It isn't much, but it's all very specific to a single user.

I thought the lich and Ranni were the easiest ones (after L and the Fire Giant)... their identity is intertwined and should be made clear by the first 4 episodes of chapter 2. I can't say much without spoiling it entirely.

Also now that I've gone back to the beginning of the thread and gone through it, I see all the hints about L.

I mean, her and Porky literally formed a jagged alliance.

Re: Roxor, I must've misattributed some of your descriptors to Radahn earlier on, I was pretty sure of that one.

I can't be Vaati, some of the stuff I've guessed turned out to be right. Besides, I don't sound depressive enough... jury's still out on whether I sound homosexual enough.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Having been tricked once again, I only have one choice now. I need to find the old legendary hero who kept the peace in the Shouting Lands before the Eastern Kings came. Nobody has seen him in years, but word is he went mad and got lost in an endless desert wasteland. He is the strongest mortal who ever lived, with arms so big and powerful even the very gods are scared of him. Defeating him will definitely grab the gods' attention, and then they will no longer deny me access to the Shouting Lands.

It isn't much, but it's all very specific to a single user.

Sounds like Jaesun or Jason (baby arm) to me, but I may just be facing a Codex lore critical failure.

There are a few others I can think of that fit parts of it, but meh. Like I say, intelligence AND autism failures on my part. Maybe someone else will have a better idea now that you've given that hint.

 

[NJClaw]

Sounds like Jaesun or Jason (baby arm) to me, but I may just be facing a Codex lore critical failure.

I will only say the real user behind Radahn would kick the shit out of both of them with his eyes closed.

I guess the name of the video of the failed first attempt against him can also help, and you shouldn't gloss over the fact that:

he went mad and got lost in an endless desert wasteland

 

[mediocrepoet]

Sounds like Jaesun or Jason (baby arm) to me, but I may just be facing a Codex lore critical failure.

I will only say the real user behind Radahn would kick the shit out of both of them with his eyes closed.

I guess the name of the video of the failed first attempt against him can also help, and you shouldn't gloss over the fact that:

he went mad and got lost in an endless desert wasteland

I forgot Gregz existed until just now, on a completely unrelated note.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Oh ffs. Yes, the lich is obvious. I just don't have a great memory for avatars or titles when I haven't seen them posting for a bit.

Spoiler

Lich is Storyfag

Ironically at one point while trying to sort it out, I asked myself if I could remember who the Codexian storyfags are.

So I think it's just Ranni that has me stumped now.

 

[Andnjord]

Ooooh, now Radahn is obvious to me.

t I may just be facing a Codex lore critical failure.

Come on mediocrepoet , do you not believe a golden baby can fly? Have you lost your grimoire of codex lore?

 

[NJClaw]

Oh ffs. Yes, the lich is obvious. I just don't have a great memory for avatars or titles when I haven't seen them posting for a bit.

Absolutely not, the identities of the evil lich and Ranni are closely tied. Uncovering one of them should immediately shed light on the other. There are many clues scattered around. For example, there's one here. I guess it wouldn't hurt to say that only one of them is a codexer. Moreover, Storyfag is already addressed here.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Ooooh, now Radahn is obvious to me.

t I may just be facing a Codex lore critical failure.

Come on mediocrepoet , do you not believe a golden baby can fly? Have you lost your grimoire of codex lore?

Cleve had occurred to me, but he didn't disappear and has been pretty active lately. He is mental though.

EDIT: Andnjord It's Gregz. Go look at his avatar and title.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Moreover, Storyfag is already addressed here.

I think that's actually my issue here - in some cases characters are alluded to in multiple posts with earlier and later clues on their identity, whereas others seem to be specific to the post they appear in and it's not always clear to me which is which. Anyway, I await the final reveals with baited breath.*


* There is no typo in that phrase.

 

[NJClaw]

D_X has been catching up lately, maybe he can help with the lich's identity.

 

[mediocrepoet]

D_X has been catching up lately, maybe he can help with the lich's identity.

Oh FFS.

Spoiler

Lich is Crispy
Ranni is Emma Watson

 

[NJClaw]

EDIT: Andnjord It's Gregz. Go look at his avatar and title.

To put it more into perspective, Gregz was also moderator of the shoutbox for a while AND he is jacked as shit. Seriously, he's like a more muscular version of Hoarah Loux.

Oh FFS.

See? It was easy!

 

[mediocrepoet]

There are many clues scattered around. For example, there's one here.

I will say that "the Duke's banners are everywhere" and making the hero(?) sick never fails to crack me up.

 

[mediocrepoet]

To put it more into perspective, Gregz was also moderator of the shoutbox for a while AND he is jacked as shit. Seriously, he's like a more more muscular version of Hoarah Loux.

Did he have a pic up somewhere? I always find it interesting when people with fairly sedentary hobbies/jobs are ripped. It makes me feel like this

 

[Andnjord]

To put it more into perspective, Gregz was also moderator of the shoutbox for a while AND he is jacked as shit. Seriously, he's like a more more muscular version of Hoarah Loux.

Did he have a pic up somewhere? I always find it interesting when people with fairly sedentary hobbies/jobs are ripped. It makes me feel like this

You don't want to see my pictures then :D

but I don't really know much about Gregz, so I guess it just flew right over me.
In my defence Cleve also went on a 'fuck this world' moment and exiled himself back to Australia, so the "went mad and got lost in an endless desert wasteland" applied pretty well to him, and he's fairly vocal about his titanium bones and neanderthal strength.

 

[mediocrepoet]

To put it more into perspective, Gregz was also moderator of the shoutbox for a while AND he is jacked as shit. Seriously, he's like a more more muscular version of Hoarah Loux.

Did he have a pic up somewhere? I always find it interesting when people with fairly sedentary hobbies/jobs are ripped. It makes me feel like this

You don't want to see my pictures then :D

but I don't really know much about Gregz, so I guess it just flew right over me.
In my defence Cleve also went on a 'fuck this world' moment and exiled himself back to Australia, so the "went mad and got lost in an endless desert wasteland" applied pretty well to him, and he's fairly vocal about his titanium bones and neanderthal strength.

Yeah, I get where you're coming from.

Are you into lifting and such as well? I think the two that surprised me the most were Trent Oster and fighter.pl (Youtuber who looks like he could stunt double as the Incredible Hulk without any CG).

Spoiler

 

[Andnjord]

Are you into lifting and such as well?

Yeah, only started two and a half years ago and natural, so I don't look like that fighter.pl dude but more like a bigger Brad Pitt in Fight Club (which is easy when you've always been a skinny dude and the nutritional challenge is to tell your brain to eat more rather than less).

 

[mediocrepoet]

Are you into lifting and such as well?

Yeah, only started two and a half years ago and natural, so I don't look like that fighter.pl dude but more like a bigger Brad Pitt in Fight Club (which is easy when you've always been a skinny dude and the nutritional challenge is to tell your brain to eat more rather than less).

I hear ya. Probably more like my build when I was young and played football and worked construction. These days I'm not fat, certainly not by American standards anyway, but I'm terribly out of shape and need to rectify that. Elden Ring and COVID restrictions didn't help any.

 

[NJClaw]

34 - The poet's mediocre prophecy

Spoiler

I have to get out of here, I can't risk being forced to read that book. I've faced knights, dragons, and wizards, but I couldn't survive all those hard words. Luckily, the demon who served as my captor is dead, and everyone else here is too afraid of me to try and stop this Porkster.

...

I've escaped Hell, and by now everyone in every corner of the Shouting Lands has heard of my countless exploits.

Thank you for your kind words, sir. Maybe one day you'll be as strong and valorous as me. I see you're of the right tonnage, at the very least. But tell me, why are you so obsessed with gnomes? And why do you say you love numbers if you can't count past three?

...

I must bid you farewell now, my adventures awaits me.

Well, ok, I guess you can eat me... WAIT, what are you doing? I didn't think you were talking about me becoming your fourth lunch! I know I'm tempting and yummy, but I won't let you eat EAT me!

Die, you fool!

Sure, give it to me, if it's your last wish.

Good God, man! I get it, abstinence is a virtue, but you can't get to these levels... it's bad for your health.

But I have no more time to appease my fans' requests. With the duke dead, the evil lich took control of the capital. As expected, his rule didn't exactly work out for the city's inhabitants:

You've ruined my life so many times now that I've lost count, evil lich, but I won't let you ruin the last remnants of the Shouting Lands! Your time has come! And I know your tricks. I know your flesh is poisonous and nauseating, I won't risk my health touching you!